Do you ever feel like you are marking time? Do you ever feel like you are holding your breath, or just waiting?Waiting for something significant to happen, to allow you to feel complete!! I feel like my life is just a series of "waiting's", like I am waiting for lawyers to sort things out for my home to progress.
I am waiting for the moment when the "someone" in my life will finally feel to me like he is a part of my life.
When will I let the walls down and feel comfortable enough to let him spend more time in my home? What is the signal that says "yes this is the one"?
I am waiting, meandering through life never feeling like I am really in touch with life and what it is that I am meant to do, meant to be? I am marking time feeling like "when this happens I will do, or I will be" "Tomorrow when I have a moment I will" be/do ...
Is it just me? Am I the only one who feels like I am marking time? Is this all there is or am I doing something wrong?
Why is it everyone else's life appears to be happy - they have a purpose! Why don't I feel like that? What am I missing, why am I holding my breath? Why do I wake up every day and then get to the end of the day thinking - "is that it"??
I really do wonder what it is that I am supposed to be doing with this life!! I keep just thinking I'm missing something... a purpose!!
I was raised with religion shoved down my throat, not just any religion tho - it was a religion that you didn't just go to church once a week, you went to church almost every day. It was all about "you were put on this planet to do something before you go on to the next life That when you get to the other side your whole life the sum of what you did or who you were impacts on where you will be."
So I wander through life feeling like I am holding my breath and wondering when I am finally going to stop feeling like a fraud, and stop marking time.
Is there a reason, will I ever be happy like others around me??
What is it that will finally make me stop feeling like I am "JUST"!
Do I hold off allowing someone fully in to my life, whilst I wait?? But what is it that I am really waiting for? God I hate this whole head space!!